


Dying

by essencede



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Almost Dying, Angst, Arguing, F/F, Fear, Hugging, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/essencede/pseuds/essencede
Summary: she wants to cry as the pain seems to come to her. there's a huge ache in her side and the smell of blood fills her nose. she's dying. she's bleeding out. it's over.





	Dying

blood.

blood.

blood.

it's cold.

everything is cold.

the world is blurry. 

catra waves her hand in front of her eyes, seeing it all blurred as everything seems to slow down.

it's loud.

too loud.

so blurry. 

too blurry. 

what happened?

how could she let this happen to herself?

when did she become so weak?

so useless? 

so dumb?

and even in her last moments, she's on the battlefield and the only person on her mind is adora.

adora!

where are you?

please, hold me.

i'm scared. i'm terrified. i don't know what's happening.

is it really over?

she wants to cry as the pain seems to come to her. there's a huge ache in her side and the smell of blood fills her nose. she's dying. she's bleeding out. it's over. 

maybe it's for the best. she hasn't truly been happy. she hasn't truly cared for the people around her, which takes away meaning from her life. while she has power, it really means nothing if she isn't happy. 

she breathes out a sigh. her last sigh, she thinks. this could be her last breath. she's become accustomed that this is the end. she welcomes it, putting on a smirk. she won't die looking weak.

"catra!" a voice breaks through the air and she almost jumps. "catra, catra, catra!" the person mumbles and pulls her close.

the blonde hair. the blue eyes. it's blurry, but it's adora. it's adora, her childhood friend. the friend who left her. 

"catra, please don't leave me. i'm sorry, i'm sorry," adora cries into her shoulder, making her ache more.

"hey, adora," catra gives out and adora lets a sob leave her. 

the strong, mighty, regal princess isn't so strong and tough, is she? 

adora stays silent, letting tears fall, the droplets hitting catra's face. she runs her fingers through catra's hair, muttering to herself, begging for the girl to live. she must. 

but the girl doesn't want to. she's accepted it. that they can never be together. that she's going to die. that she's dead. basically.

"just let me go," catra whispers and adora glares at her, at least catra thinks.

"shu-shut the fuck up," she mutters angrily into catra's ear and then kisses her forehead. "i won't let things end. even if my friends don't want to help you, they will."

"just give up," catra whispers back to her, giving her a glare. "even if you save me, things can't be the way they were."

"it doesn't matter, i love you, you idiot!" adora screeches as other voice seem to get closer.

catra shuts her eyes, listening to the sound of adora's heartbeat as hers gets weaker. while hers slows down, adora's races. while her eyes shut, adora's are wider and terrified. while catra can barely speak, adora screams and begs for her life. 

though adora left her behind, pushed away their past, she begs for her life now. she admits she still regrets leaving only because of catra, for leaving her behind. she begs for catra's life and for her friends to fix her.

catra is in and out, but she knows what's happening.

"why should we?"

"she's my best friend! glimmer, please. what if it was bow?"

"that's completely different! he's not the enemy!"

***

"glimmer! she's dying. i love her." 

"i said no. please, leave her. bow, help."

***

"fine, we'll keep her as a prisoner!"

"finally! now we have to hurry!"

***

adora grips the tanner hand in hers, so much regret filling her. 

why couldn't they have left together? how did they end up like this? how did she let this happen? 

it's all her fault. all her fault. her fault. 

it's because of her that her best friend is her enemy. her best friend hates her. her best friend is bleeding out. dying. and in her last moments, the stubborn fighter no longer fought. 

adora squeezes her cold hand tighter. 

"please wake up."

she's always loved seeing her friend calm, asleep. she was always upset and stubborn, wanting to stir up trouble, so it was nice seeing her at peace. her eyes closed, nothing wrinkled, furrowed. just small snores leaving her, her chest and stomach rising and falling.

now, they were barely rising and falling. no snores left her. 

"i'm sorry i left you and made you feel anything terrible. i'm sorry."

***

darkness. cold. black. 

it's kind of scary, but calming. she's aware of the time passing, but not how much. she loses count of the seconds and doesn't even want to count anymore. she can't wake up or move. it's soo much energy, which she doesn't have. 

maybe she'll get up. maybe. eventually. 

it doesn't feel that bad to sleep. 

***

"what if she doesn't wake up?" adora asks glimmer who looks at her with pity.

she can't imagine losing bow. she knows she'd be the same mess that adora is. she also hates seeing adora in this much pain, this much of a mess. a girl with barely any energy, bags under her eyes, shaky hands and so many emotions running through her.

she does from a sobbing mess to a violent mess. she cries and holds catra's hand and then punches a wall, mumbles and yells at herself. 

she even yelled at glimmer at one point, just to quickly apologize and go back to holding the feline's hand. 

"it's all my fault, glimmer," adora sobs once again, laying her head on the bed and sniffling.

"no, it's not. she could've came to you, as a friend and became one of us," glimmer tries to assure her but then adora ends up arguing with her.

"but s-sh-she was angry, as she s-should be. an-and why would she leave t-the only place she knows? h-home?" adora is barely understandable. seeing adora this stubborn and emotional, glimmer knows she can't win this argument. 

she nods her head and lets adora mourn, cry, reminisce. whatever the girl needs to do. 

***

it's been days. will catra ever wake up? 

adora feels so tired and so empty, looking at the sleeping girl in front of her. she will take as many of these days as she has to. she needs to be there the minute catra wakes up. she needs to hold her and tell her so many things. 

"please," she whispers and holds the hand once again. 

it's gotten warmer. that must mean something. 

***

"would you ever leave this place?" catra asks, tilting her head as her tail wraps around herself. 

"the horde? no, why?" adora asks with a chuckle.

"yeah, never mind," catra replies and adora lets out a sigh.

"the horde just wants the best for us and for everyone else. it may be hard, but we'll get through it," adora assures and then grabs catra's hand. "we also have each other, catra."

"yeah," catra says with a shy smile, her cheeks flushed. 

they both giggle shyly and then lay back together. 

"let's go to bed." adora pulls up the sheets and catra curls up at the bottom of the bed.

it's her new place to sleep. after having all the nightmares and sleeping problems, adora held her close some nights. after a week, catra got used to it and so did catra. there wasn't much room on the bed, so that's why catra now sleeps at the bottom. 

***

the princesses leave her be, glimmer and bow checking on her every once in awhile. the queen hasn't said a word, but it doesn't matter to adora.

so many memories pop through her head as adora switches between sleep and reality. she jumps through each hoop, going through each emotion

her anger at catra for attacking her, for saying those words, for not leaving for her when catra had the chance. she could've left and have not sought power, but she did.

her sadness for catra, not truly understanding what catra went through until now. the sadness that constantly looms over her because all this time, she's loved catra and missed her. and now her sadness is at its worse and she's at her lowest, knowing she could lose catra at any moment. her heart could just stop and a piece of catra would be torn from her. 

her fear for losing catra. she's afraid of this pain getting worse and a part of her being stolen, and never filled. this ache, this pain, these tears, would they ever stop? would this constant bit of sadness constantly linger in her heart if she lost catra? and if she lost the girl that's always supposed to be with her, what about all these other people? her new friends and now basically family? what about them? 

she returns back to happiness. all those memories. all those nights cuddled up next to each other. they were always able to make the other smile when things were at their worse. she remembers her first laughs happening because of the feline. she recalls laughing at catra and her interest in mice. yelling, "mouse!" and setting catra off will always be funny. holding her close at night will always be perfect. holding her hand will always be soothing. seeing that sharp toothed grin will always make her cheeks flush and smile appear on her lips. 

there's also something else she's left to ponder. why does she only flush around catra? only truly care about what catra thinks? she's on the same level as shadow weaver, always been and now she's still above her new friends. she cares for them and what they think, but she'll always ponder about what catra thinks of her. she'll always blush and be able to smile just at the sight of catra. to be separated from catra genuinely hurt her and without the girl's presence, it was hard to sleep. she missed her touch, her smell, her eyes, her laugh, her voice, her everything basically. she missed her flaws and the laughs. she misses them even now. she misses the touch of a responsive catra. she wants to hear her voice. she doesn't want to fight anymore and for her favorite person in the world to hate her.

she doesn't understand why catra matters so much. they were always close, but she was also pretty close with the others. why does it not hurt to be away from them? why does she not feel as bad? 

emotions were never properly explained to these kids, so thinking about them now is so overwhelming and confusing. she decides that the next time glimmer comes in, she'll ask some questions about this. what else can she do while she waits for catra's eyes to open? because they will, no matter how long adora has to wait. 

***

"i think adora is in love with-with catra," glimmer rants to bow, sticking her nails in her arms.

she can't help but feel bad for adora, doubting that mutual feelings can be found in the heart of her worst enemy. she also can't help but hope for the best. and then she also can't help but hope catra never finds out and just leaves. 

"you sure?" bow checks, raising his eyebrows.

"yeah, she was asking me about emotions and stuff because they were never taught that kind of stuff in the horde," glimmer responds and huffs. "she can't be in love with catra. it won't work, bow."

"probably not," he agrees sadly and they sit in her bedroom together.

they put their stuff down and just breathe. they can't change the emotions of either party and they can't fix this situation. all they can do is sit and watch all of this unfold.

"but it could," bow adds and glimmer shoots him a glare.

"it just can't! i don't even want that girl in our kingdom. bow, she will manipulate adora if she finds out and i won't let adora's heart be broken. look at what she's going through now!" glimmer spits and then immediately regrets snapping, though she stands with her points. 

"sorry, sorry," she quietly apologizes and bow hums in response.

"i don't want that to happen either, but still, there's so much about them we don't know. from their emotions to their past. let's just let them handle it and not worry about it until it really becomes a problem," bow tries to calm her down, placing a hand on glimmer's back.

"it's already an issue," glimmer mutters and grips her hair. "i want her out the moment she's healed, but i'll give them time to speak and whatnot. i'm lucky my mother even allowed her in the first place. we could've just let her die on the battlefield and this would be simpler—"

"sssh!" bow shushes her, not wanting to hear such negative and evil things leave his friend's mouth. "just wish them the best and tell your mother that catra is staying for a bit, if she decides to."

***

adora studies catra's features once again, to her hair to her chapped lips. she's used to the way catra's warm hands feel against hers, not missing the feeling of her once freezing ones. 

she hopes today's the day and that she can confirm her emotions. could she be in love with catra? this is all so unfamiliar, she wants the familiar back. 

it's been a bit more than a week, but it feels like decades. she wonders how long this'll last and how much more she can take. how many more times she can hold that still hand of catra's. how many more times she can reminisce without the presence of an awake catra. how many more times she will stare at catra's closed eyes in this hospital bed. 

she runs her fingers gently through catra's hair and bangs, no longer pushed back by her headdress. it reminds her of their childhood, before catra received it. she smiles to herself and then lets go of catra completely, deciding she needs some air. she needs to walk or this ache in her legs will only worsen. 

***

catra opens her eyes and then immediately closes them due to the bright light. her body aches and she wonders where she is. it's so bright and unfamiliar. it takes a couple minutes to adjust before she can study the room around her. it's small and full of machines with a chair next to her bed. she sniffs the unfamiliar, cleaner air and finds the only scent she knows to be adora's.

her heart drops. 

she's in the rebellion.

she hisses and arches her back, ready for an attacker to come. this doesn't make sense. why would they keep the enemy alive? 

to torture her. 

maybe adora will be her torturer. oh, that would be great. and so horrible. she could curse and hate adora once again. it would hurt, but then adora would live up to the monster that catra has painted adora to be in her head. 

the door opens, revealing adora, looking so different. so weak. bags hang from her eyes, her hair is disheveled and greasy, her posture is terrible but then she lightens up.

"catra," her voice is hoarse and full of so many emotions.

catra wants to gag, seeing her strong adora look so weak. so empty. what the hell happened to her? the rebellion fucking ruined her. 

"catra," she repeats and runs over to catra, tears filling her eyes.

"why the hell are you crying? what happened to you? my adora never cried, not in the middle of daylight."

"well, that adora never lost her damn best friend," adora snaps back, shooting her a glare that quickly turns into a loving look. 

catra wants to gag, feeling like this is some strange dream. she pinches herself and sighs when she can feel it. 

"so, you guys saved my life?" she looks bored, trying to hide her nervousness at being here. she's ready to be dragged away and tortured. 

"yeah, because i insisted that they save my best friend."

"wow, thanks, adora," she hisses and rolls her eyes. "this doesn't change anything, adora. you're still my enemy and you know damn well everyone else out there is my enemy. they'll treat me as so."

"i won't let them take you away from me—"

"you already did that yourself, adora! you chose that sword and these people over me! you've already made your decision!" catra growls, fire in her eyes. 

"you were tortured by the horde, weren't you? so why don't you leave? it's clearly a disgusting group, something i don't want to be apart of. can you really blame me, catra?" adora argues, full of energy and anger, though she doesn't have much. 

"yeah, so i can be tortured here? sounds great, adora." she feels so disgusted, adora defending the enemy. adora being apart of the enemy.

it's painful, it always will be, pushing adora away. she doesn't want adora to be one of her enemies, but that's how it is. that's how adora has made it. 

"they won't torture you. they're not the horde," adora defends them and grips catra's hand. "they're not selfish. they're not cruel. they're not evil."

"so, i'm cruel, i'm evil, i'm disgusting?" catra shouts, yanking her hand from adora's grip, just to dig her nails into the bedsheets. "you're so much better than me, adora! is that what you want to hear?" 

"no, i don't think you're disgusting—the horde is! the way they raised us and treated us—"

"you left me, you traitor!" catra shouts and then feels lightheaded.

"catra?" adora whimpers, holding catra who growls at her.

"i slept for awhile, but i still feel weak," she whispers, but still pulls herself out of adora's grip. 

"catra, please. it's dangerous in the horde and shadow weaver's there—i want you here, with me. safe," adora says, her eyes loving and teary.

catra's heart races and her face flushes much to her dislike. catra huffs and flattens her ears. she stares at her legs, covered in the warm, white sheets. she bites her lip, not knowing what to say. she doesn't want to be here, worried about by adora and hooked up to machines. 

"i'll get the doctor in here," adora says and runs her fingers through catra's hair, making catra tense up.

***

"why are you in here again? i don't want you here," catra snaps and her mismatched colored eyes are full of anger once again. "i will not join the rebellion! i will not be tortured! i will not be your little sidekick!" 

"i want you here as my best friend. as my equal," adora says and sits next to catra, who is handcuffed to the bed.

"i've already told you, i can't be your equal here. not with that little princess hating my ass and being a higher up in the rebellion," catra says, quietly, looking so empty and defeated. "just send me back."

"i'm not going to give up on you. i left you once, so i won't let you leave," adora says with teary eyes, those bags still remaining.

"you wanted to leave and i want to leave." the emotional fatigue is clear and it's clear that catra doesn't mean it. she just can't stand being by adora again, so she forces herself to sound convincing and say these things. 

"i didn't leave for the purpose of leaving, it just happened," adora defends herself. "i've already said this, but i would take you with me if this happened again. i wish i did."

there's a silence, the two just staring into each other's eyes. they take in each other's features, memorizing everything, like this is the last time they'll ever see each other. 

"adora, stop being an idiot. we both know i can't stay."

"why not?"

"i'm part of the rebellion! i'm a higher up, too!" catra raises her voice, tired of repeating herself. "we were childhood friends, but now we're enemies. our friendship was finished when you left."

"stop being such a stubborn idiot. i don't want to give our friendship up—you up!" adora argues and catra sighs.

she doesn't want to give in, to let everything be the same. it can't be the same. she'll never forget this hurt. 

she sighs, wondering if the horde thinks she's dead. if so, maybe she could be one of the rebellion's people. she almost laughs at herself for being so dumb, so hopeful. she probably won't be allowed, the only person on her side being adora.

catra decides she'll enjoy this while she can. "hold me."

"catra?" adora whispers, blushing slightly.

"fucking hold me. do something for me, please," she sounds so weak as she begs.

adora wraps her arms around catra, pressing their bodies together. catra breathes in the smell of adora, different, but still adora. her adora. she wants to cry and wake up, and for adora to be by her side, in the horde. 

"i love you," adora whispers and catra chuckles to herself.

"i'm pissed at you. i'm so angry and so sad and so empty. but i've always felt like that, one way or another. that stayed the same and so did me, loving you," catra says, laughing with sadness soaking through her voice. 

when did she become this weak? crying in the enemy's arms. that's low. so very weak. she can hear shadow weaver screaming at the both of them. that monster will always haunt her, she's sure of it. 

"i love you," adora repeats and lets a small sob leave her. "please, stay. i'll fight for you to stay."

"i doubt it'll work," catra replies back, depressed.

"it'll just take time. don't give up," the blonde insists, her voice breaking and her hold on catra becoming tighter.

"you were always so dumb and innocent. so hopeful and thought the best of the worst people, like shadow weaver." catra laughs once again.

"these people aren't the worst."

"i was talking about myself. you won't give up on me. you believe i'm so amazing—"

"just shut up and hold me, catra."

***

"you want her to stay? does she even want to stay?" glimmer looks puzzled and about to snap.

"please. she's my best friend—"

"just because you're in love with her, that doesn't make her a good person or fit for the rebellion, adora," glimmer scolds and huffs, crossing her arms. 

"please. i'm pretty sure the rebellion thinks she's dead, so they won't hunt for her. and you haven't seen the best of her, but she's a good person," adora defends her, desperate. 

"she can stay, but she must prove herself to me then. if she fails, she's out," glimmer decides, tired of hearing this argument over and over again. adora won't give you and would probably break rules or even leave. she can't lose her best friend and she-ra.

"thank you!" 

***

catra cant help but smile, seeing adora defend her over and over. just like she did as kids. she can't help but think adora is still a little too dumb and hopeful, but that's her. she's like everyone else, she doesn't know everything, she can just hope and guess. and right now, she's putting hope in catra. 

and right now, she lays next to catra, just like when they were kids. they hold each other, not talking. over the past few days, they've gotten used to this. holding each other in silence. they can be hopeful and talk, but they don't know. adora can say catra will remain by her side, but she doesn't know. 

"if i get kicked out, will you come with me?" catra whispers and adora hums in agreement.

"i can learn to control she-ra in other places, with you by my side. i don't need or have to stay in the rebellion. i care for my friends and everything, but i need you. and besides, they probably won't let you leave, knowing i'll go where you go," adora replies and catra sighs.

"i want you to come with me, but is it for the best?" catra whispers and adora stares into those eyes.

she lets her emotions take control of her as she pulls catra's shirt, pulling their faces together. their lips meet and it's messy, unfamiliar to them.

"let's stop talking about this. i won't let you leave me," adora states stubbornly and catra shrugs.

"kiss me again," she whispers, her voice husky and their lips meet once again.

that's all they can do, just kiss and hope they won't be separated.


End file.
